I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
