there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
