if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
