i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
