some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
