Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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