feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
