i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
