have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
