literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She bit a glass in half.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
