so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
