went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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