So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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