I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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