you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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