come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
