you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
