Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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