"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
