Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
