You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
