Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
