All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
