i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
