the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
