dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
