I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
