I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
