tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
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He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
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Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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