erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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