She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
