I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
God I need to hump something, right now.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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