Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize