omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
foreskin is a definite game changer
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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