Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
