I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
