I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
