Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
