I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
