My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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