Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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