what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
do herpes really smell.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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