what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
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Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
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And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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