I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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