I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
