She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
