Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
