I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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