If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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