in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
