I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you cant smoke seaweed
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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