Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
True college students do jello shots in the library
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
