Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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