It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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