I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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