I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
