I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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