Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
