I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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