I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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