I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
