So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
